Harnessing the inner lion.

I went to Walmart today. The new one - the one with bigger aisles, better lighting, and better product placement. Not kidding we crossed the threshold and my kids were both in total meltdown. Awesome. Not to fear this newfangled Walmart had a McDonald's! Sweet, we are saved. Not so fast - now Scout has to pee. Great. Lug Ryder, McDonald's food, purse, pregnant body, and toddler who is holding his crotch into what could possibly be the cleanest Walmart bathroom ever. Scout doesn't want to face forward, he wants to face backwards which basically requires a full strip down. Then we have to wash hands, all 6 hands and pray that no one has stolen our basket that is blocking the fire exit doors.
We successfully get in the basket, eat fries and cookies (the kids not me) and get everything on our list - except shredded cheese but I think that can wait. We make it to the check out, everything is bagged and paid for I can see the silver lining that is called the exit door. I am almost there! And then it happens. Ryder reaches into a bag and takes out the applesauce, I tell him to put it back, and then my precious firstborn enforcer of all mom says strips said applesauce away and puts it back in the bag. This sends my mostly non-verbal almost 2 year old into complete and utter hysterics. I'm rushing towards the light at the end of the tunnel when to my right I hear a very loud - SHHHHHH!! I stop dead in my tracks. Did someone really just shush my kids at Walmart?? Really?! I get the library, church, and some restaurants but Walmart? I turn to see a woman staring at me - did I mention today was not the day to mess with me - and I in my most non-sarcastic voice ask her if she is kidding. She keeps staring. I then channel my inner momma lioness, sure this kids are crazy but their my crazy kids and I will handle it, and i tell her I do not need her help parenting thank you very much. And if she comes any closer I will release my death grip on the cart and will scratch her eyes out so that for the rest of her life she can't see children she can only here them screaming at each other - OK I didn't really say the last part but I might have thought it.
We made it home, and my sweet little cherubs are tucked in for their naps and I am about to do the same.